101+ One-Liners collection of famous one-liners out there | InstaCaption

Collection of famous one-liners out there.

You ever come with something that you want to say while arguing but it's just you can't speak at that moment so you let go ever happen to you.

fo me it's always happening I always end up losing every argument I ever had but then I come up with something called One-Liners now I win every battle I'm the new king of this world.

is that enough so you can read my full post about 101+ One-liners if that so then let's go to the journey of Shutting people down with our best of One-Liners Collections.

Cool One-Liners

• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
• Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
• We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
• Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
• War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
• Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
• My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
• Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
• Which one of these is the non-smoking lifeboat?
• Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.
• Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
• The problem with sex in the movies is, that the popcorn usually spills.
• If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
• Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
• Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
• All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
• Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."
• Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
• I want patience - AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
• A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
• Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
• Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
• Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.
• Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
• How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!

• Every organisation is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting.

Funny One-liners

• When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.
• 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
• The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list.
• I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
• The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
• Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
• Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
• Well, here I am! What are your other two wishes?
• I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory: all I did was take a day off!
• Money talks: mine always says is goodbye.
• I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems — the first thing he did was make me pay in advance.
• You have two parts of the brain, “left” and “right” — in the left side, there’s nothing right and in the right side, there’s nothing left.
• Why do bees hum? They don’t remember the lyrics!
• I have a dog to provide me with unconditional love but I also have a cat to remind me that I don’t deserve it: it’s all about balance.
• Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
• Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
• Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
• I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
• Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
• Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
• Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
• Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
• I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
• I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn’t talking to me.
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
• I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
• R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.
• Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
• I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’ which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
• My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
• What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
• Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He didn’t get hurt because it was a soft drink.
• The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
• At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?
• I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
• I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
• My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• Smoking will kill you… Bacon will kill you… And yet, smoking bacon will cure it.
• I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
• Did Noah include termites on the ark?
• The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Restaurant In Peace.
• I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
• My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly… I’m not a fan.
• I really hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves.
• The first time I got a universal remote control I thought to myself, “This changes everything”.
• I refused to believe father, the road worker, was stealing from his job, but when I got home all the signs were there.
• I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner — all it was doing was gathering dust.
• PMS jokes are not funny — period!
• Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.
• It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs — they’re always taking things literally.
• I like to hold hands at the movies… which always seems to startle strangers.
• Women should not have children after 35 — 35 children are enough!
• There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t
• Whenever I lose my TV controller, I always find it at a remote location.
• My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: I just couldn’t concentrate.
• My math teacher called me average — it’s so mean!

Attitude One-Liners

 

• A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.
• A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even own bikes…
• A fine is a tax for doing wrong & a tax is a fine for doing well..!
• A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens the workday.
• Adventure isn’t hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life.
• All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
• Always identify who to blame in an emergency.
• An optimist believes that we live in the best world. A pessimist is afraid that it might be true.
• Argument with a woman is like reading the software license agreement. At the end, you ignore everything and click I agree.
• Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
• ATTITUDE – If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.
• Attitudes are contagious.  Do you want people around you to catch yours?
• Be like a postage stamp.  Stick to a thing till you get there.
• Before having a kid, the most important thing to ask yourself is am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?
• Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I’m a mile away and I have his shoes.
• Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can’t hit me with them.

• Better to understand a little, than to misunderstand a lot.
• Can you do me a favor? Take a picture of yourself, and send it to me. I am playing cards and seem to be missing the Joker.
• Cleaning mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.
• Common sense is like deodorant.  The people who need it most never use it.
• Diet Day #1 – I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
• Do more things that make you to forget to check your phone.
• Don’t confuse my personality and my attitude because my personality is me and my attitude depends on you.
• Don’t look at me.  I am looking smart.
• Don’t show me your attitude; my block list is bigger than your friend list.
• Don’t play with me! Because I know I can PLAY better than you.
• Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
• Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
• Every day I arrive at work with good intentions and a great attitude… then idiots happen.
• Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.

One-Liners About Life

• Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.
• Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
• Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, “Where the heck is the ceiling?!”
• Learn from your parents’ mistakes; use birth control.
• We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
• Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I hope you all liked this post if you have any ideas or want to share something please feel free to comment. :)